Many parents who were teenagers 20 or 25 years ago find themselves in a real pickle when their own children reach adolescence. Although they may have lived proudly by the credo, “sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll,” they don’t want their children to follow in their footsteps. It’s especially hard on parents who, for whatever reason, have been open with their child about their checkered past. Suppose your child asks, “If it [sex, drugs, drinking, etc.] was okay for you, then, why isn’t it okay for me now?” How should a former child of the sixties respond? Here are some things to keep in mind:
Adolescents need authority figures, not only to challenge, but to turn to.
You may remember the fights you had with your parents about your hair, your curfew, and your friends. You may not remember the feeling of security you enjoyed, deep down, inside, from knowing that you had parents who had values and beliefs that they were willing to stand for, and children whom they loved enough to argue with about them. You may still think of yourself as a rebellious or carefree teenager at heart, but your child needs to look to you as a parent. Play the part.
Just because you did it when you were young doesn’t make it right.
Perhaps you were lucky enough to avoid a horrible car accident, an unwanted pregnancy, or an arrest for drug possession. Now you know better. That’s what parents are for.
There is a difference between understanding risky behavior and endorsing it.
Don’t overreact when you learn that your child has experimented in the same ways that you did when you were her age. But don’t encourage or condone things that you know are bad for your child’s health and well-being because you want to appear “cool” or “tolerant,” or because you are in the throes of a “midlife crisis.” Be reasonable, but, above all, be a parent.
The risks are greater today than they were 25 years ago.
You may find it difficult to hear yourself say such a thing (“I promised I wouldn’t talk to my kids the way my parents talked to me. . . “), but it’s true. AIDS wasn’t around 25 years ago. Recreational drugs were not as strong as the ones available today. Neighborhoods, schools, and communities were safer. Although it’s wrong to let these dangers turn you into an overly controlling tyrant, excessive permissiveness or laissez-faire parenting, even in the spirit of the sixties, won’t provide your child with the structure and guidance he needs in today’s world.
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