Parents are models for their children’s behavior, even when they do not want or intend to be. Studies show that adolescents are five times more likely to smoke cigarettes if someone in their home (a parent or older sibling) smokes than if they are raised in a nonsmoking household. Adolescents whose parents drink are more likely to experiment with alcohol than those whose parents do not. And those whose parents use and abuse drugs (marijuana, Valium, sleeping pills, diet pills, whatever) are more likely to use drugs than are their peers. How can these parents protect their children?
Don’t think that because you enjoy drinking, or haven’t been able to quit smoking, you have no right to prohibit these activities for your child. Many activities that are permitted for adults are forbidden to minors. Drugs head this list, for all the reasons we have given. Setting different rules for your adolescent children than you apply to yourself doesn’t mean that you are a hypocrite; it means you’re concerned about their welfare. Make this clear to your child. “We enjoy drinking occasionally, and when you’re of legal drinking age, you may, too. But right now, you’re too young to handle alcohol.”
Effects on Parental Drinking
Don’t presume that just because your child was the type to harass you about smoking or drinking when she was younger, that this means that she will not experiment with these substances herself. Many children who are adamantly opposed to drug use prior to adolescence succumb to temptations or peer pressure later on. Your young “prohibitionist” is just as likely to experiment with drugs when she enters adolescence as is the typical teenager.
Do explain why and how you use drugs. “When I began smoking, people didn’t realize how harmful cigarettes are. Now I’m addicted, and it’s very difficult to quit.” Quitting is the best example you could set for your teenager, and something you should do for yourself; but if you aren’t ready, at least be honest. ‘You hear me cough in the morning and see me huff and puff up the stairs; I don’t want you to be as stupid as I was.” Use the same approach with other drugs. ‘Your mother and I enjoy having cocktails with friends or alone together on Friday night.”
At the same time, be sure to mention other ways you unwind and have fun: working out, watching a good movie, playing a game of Scrabble. “I like the taste of wine and enjoy trying different kinds.” But point out that there are a time and place for wine, just as there is for ice cream sundaes: If you had a banana split every day, it wouldn’t be a treat anymore.
Parents Who Drink Influence Their Teens to do the Same Thing
Do take some time to analyze your own habits. Children learn not only from what you tell them, but from what they observe. They see when you drink, why you drink, and how much you drink. If you drink every night, when you’re down, when you’ve had a fight, when you are alone (if you are single or your spouse travels), or almost any time you are feeling out of sorts, your child will be learning that alcohol is a kind of medication.
If you offer friends a drink before they get out of their coats, push drinks on adults who say, “No, thanks,” make fun of nondrinkers, laugh about the times you’ve been smashed, and make alcohol part of every adult activity from business lunches to football parties, your child will be learning that alcohol is what distinguishes good-time Charlies from bores and nerds. If you drink and drive, boat, swim, hunt, or engage in any other potentially dangerous activity that requires Coordination and judgment, your child will be learning that taking such risks is okay. Studies show that light or moderate use of alcohol by adults in non-risk situations does not have negative effects on young people, but that frequent (everyday) or heavy use (enough to get drunk on numerous occasions) does.
Finally, if someone in your home or family is an alcoholic, don’t deny this or try to hide it from your children. They know when there is a problem in the family and have a right to know what the problem is. They may feel that they are somehow responsible for the alcoholic’s binges, or guilty because they are angry at that person for causing so much pain and chaos. You and your adolescent might want to join local chapters of Al-Anon and Alateen, organizations that help non-alcoholics cope with alcoholics.
Image Credit to anpalacios
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