Surveys tell us that young people who smoke are more likely to drink, that those who drink are more likely to smoke pot, and those who use pot are more likely to smoke and drink. The most sensible policy is to prohibit all drug use, at least until the adolescent has graduated from high school. No exceptions.
Drugs are one area where the rules should be crystal clear. Telling an adolescent “You’re too young to smoke” or ‘You can’t drink until you’re older” or even “I forbid you to use drugs” is too vague.
Encouraging a preteen to puff on a cigarette because you think it will make him sick and discourage him from trying again, or allowing an older teen to drink at home on special occasions while expecting her to abstain away from home constitute mixed messages. Asking adolescents to mix or serve drinks, or to find your matches or light your cigarette, involves them in your (adult) use of drugs.
Tell the Adolescent Exactly What You Expect, and Why.
- Reason 1: Drugs are dangerous for young people.
The truth is that scientists do not know the effects of drinking or of smoking cigarettes or marijuana on growing children. But research on animals (who respond very similarly to drugs as humans do) strongly suggests that the harmful effects of these substances are intensified during periods of critical brain and body development, like adolescence.Scientists also know that children can be damaged before they are even born if their mothers drink while they are pregnant and that women who smoke while they are pregnant are more likely to have miscarriages or premature babies. They know that smoking marijuana can cause temporary infertility. And they know that heavy drinking and even moderate smoking have serious, harmful effects on the body over time. Don’t experiment with your body. It’s the only one you’ll ever have.
- Reason 2: Drugs do not mix with school, sports, and other teenage activities.
Growing up isn’t easy, and young people need clear heads and healthy bodies to develop into happy, successful adults. Drugs will make it much harder for you to do well in school. They will lower your endurance and stamina and throw your timing off in sports. And they can mess you up emotionally. Don’t make your life harder for yourself. - Reason 3: It is illegal for minors to use drugs.
Buying cigarettes is illegal for anyone under age 18; drinking is illegal for people under 21; and buying or selling marijuana is illegal for anyone. If you fool around with drugs, you might get in trouble with the law. In many states, drug offenses are treated as criminal offenses, and even young people arrested for using illegal drugs can be tried as adults and sent to prison. Besides, we don’t approve of breaking the law in this house.
In addition, discuss what the penalty for breaking your no-drug rule will be. Begin by asking your adolescents what they would consider appropriate. Preteens and teens that are involved in the rule-making process are less likely to break the rules, or to cry unfair when you impose a penalty. For example: “If I smoke, you will cut off my allowance for a month.” “If I smoke marijuana, I will be grounded for six weeks: No dates, no parties, no Saturday afternoon movies.” “If I drink, I won’t get my driver’s license until six months after my sixteenth birthday.”
You Should also Consider Incentives for Staying Drug-free.
One father we know promised his sons five hundred dollars each if they didn’t smoke before their 21st birthdays and put them on the honor system. Now in their fifties, neither has ever smoked. And they went to Europe with their reward (five hundred dollars were a lot in the 1950s). For your adolescent, the incentive might be a room of her own at age 16, the deposit for an apartment at age 21, or something else of her own choosing. Tell her how important it is to you that she stays away from drugs and asks her to think of something that would mean a lot to her.
While you should lay down the law on drugs, it is important not to cut off communication. You don’t want your son to be afraid to tell you that some of his friends are drinking beer after school, and he doesn’t know how to handle it. And in general, you don’t want adolescents to develop a pattern of keeping their experiences and activities secret. Tell the preteen that you are willing to discuss the rules and penalties at any time (and do so).
If your son has one beer out of curiosity, hates it, and tells you, make an exception. “I’m glad you told me and happy you’ve decided to say no the next time. We’re counting on you.” Also look for opportunities to discuss and reinforce your policy: If you hear about a party where kids were drinking and smoking, ask your child how she feels about this. What would she do if she discovered that a close friend was smoking pot?
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