Girls are far more likely than boys to be the victims of sexual assaults in adolescence, if only because boys have learned to be more aggressive in defending themselves. But boys are also targets of sexual victimization. Current estimates are that 25 percent of all females and close to 10 percent of all males have been victimized sexually in some way before reaching adulthood. Girls, however, are far more likely than boys to be raped (about 10 percent of girls report having had involuntary sexual intercourse before the age of 18).
Undoubtedly, you taught your daughter to be cautious with strangers when she was a small child; now that she is growing up you need to reinforce those lessons. Adolescent girls should be taught.
- Never to open the door to a stranger when alone in the house. If he says he is the TV repairman (or the equivalent), and she hasn’t heard anything about a TV being broken, she should tell him to come at another time.
- Never to accept a ride from a stranger. Hitchhiking is dangerous, even if you are with a friend.
- Always avoid dark, deserted, and/or unfamiliar places. Convince your daughter that you would rather pick her up or pay for cab fare than have her take chances.
- Some rapes take place in full daylight near public places. If a girl suspects that she is being followed, she should not be embarrassed to walk up to a policeman, speak to the bus driver, or go into a nearby store and ask for help.
Girls also need to be assertive in rejecting unwelcome advances and sexual teasing, even indeed, especially from someone they know. In this article, we focus on sexual assaults against young teenagers that are committed by adults.
If rape by a stranger is devastating, sexual assault by a trusted adult is traumatic. It is also far more common: Seventy to eighty percent of sexual assaults on young people are committed by someone they know and even love. (Here again, adolescent boys are less likely to become victims, but they are not immune.) Sexual abuse of children has received a good deal of media attention in recent years. Everyone who reads the paper or watches the news know that the unthinkable happens. But most parents find it almost impossible to believe it could happen to their child. These parents are wrong. It can.
The real tragedy with sexual abuse is that many (if not most) girls are afraid to tell anyone. As a result, the assaults may continue for months and even years. Why do girls remain silent? Many believe that if they speak up, they will be accused of misinterpreting the adult’s behavior (“He’s your uncle! How can you even think such a thing?”), making up stories to get attention (“You’re just jealous because your sister is getting married”), or leading the adult on (“If you didn’t dress like a hooker, men wouldn’t treat you like one”).
When the approaches begin, the young girl may not believe what is happening herself. She may suspect that there is something peculiar about the way a neighbor looks at her, or something wrong about her brother wanting her to sit on his lap. But to speak up would mean saying that she thinks men find her sexually attractive. Few young adolescents have the self-confidence to make such an “admission.” Her silence emboldens the offender, who may progress to more sexually aggressive acts and to bribes or blackmail to keep her quiet. When she finally does speak up, her previous silence may be taken as evidence that she was somehow to blame or cooperated with the abuser. All too often, parents respond by restricting the girl’s activities, in effect, punishing her for being abused.
No parent wants to think that someone they know would sexually assault their child (or any child). The first step toward protecting your child is admitting to yourself that such things happen, even in the best of families and communities. The second step is to arm your youngsters, without making them unnecessarily afraid. As small children, they should be taught the difference between “good touching” and “bad touching” and told to speak up the moment someone violates their personal space.
As adolescents, they should be reminded that they, and they alone have the right to decide who can touch them and whom they will touch. If a girl feels uncomfortable with someone, she should tell a parent, even if she’s not sure exactly what is making her uncomfortable. Never force her to be alone with, or affectionate toward, someone she doesn’t like. Make sure she knows that you will not blame her if she gets into a situation she can’t control. Sexual molestation of a minor is never the minor’s fault, regardless of what the child or teenager did or didn’t do. She needs to know that you will take her side, no matter what.
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