A tiny imperfection that went unnoticed in childhood may suddenly become a source of constant misery in adolescence. Some youngsters are convinced that they will not be happy (or popular, which amounts to the same thing) until they have changed their looks. There is no point in arguing that looks aren’t important. They are, and not only to adolescents. For some adolescents, dissatisfaction is a passing phase; others, however, truly feel “deformed.” Dismissing adolescents’ complaints outright may only convince them that you don’t want them to be attractive. The cosmetic changes adolescents frequently request include:
Removing Excess Facial or Body Hair (for girls).
Pierced ears and sometimes multiple piercing for boys as well as girls. Pierced ears on boys are not, as some adults believe, a symbol of homosexuality; they are simply a fashion statement.
- Removing birthmarks and moles.
- Tattoos.
- Rhinoplasty (or a “nose job”).
If your adolescent brings up a cosmetic change, here is what you should consider:
- How bad is the problem? Is his nose or her mole really disfiguring? Parents tend to minimize their children’s imperfections, having grown used to their looks. But adolescents want their peers’ approval, not their parents’ unconditional love on this issue. To get an objective opinion, ask a friend or relative whom you know to be honest, or a physician that would not perform the procedure him – or herself.
- How safe is the procedure? Home cures are generally to be avoided. It’s much safer to have your ears pierced by a doctor or in a reputable jewelry store than by a friend.
- How permanent is the change? The more permanent the change, the more thought should go into the decision. Tattoos, for example, are impossible to remove without leaving a scar or discoloration.
- Is the timing right? Some procedures should wait until the young person has grown. Many youngsters “grow into” their noses, for example. But others, such as braces for protruding teeth, are better taken care of now.
- Does the youngster understand the costs and benefits of the change? Youngsters sometimes pin all their anxieties and problems onto a small blemish. Your daughter may imagine that removing that mole will magically transform her into a ravishing beauty and the most popular girl in seventh grade. Before agreeing to a procedure, make sure the youngster has informed and realistic expectations.
Feeling good and looking good are important to a youngster’s self-esteem; parents shouldn’t belittle an adolescent’s cosmetic concerns.
Image: jonathan_hamner
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